Did you hear about this 12 months’s Nathan’s Well-known Scorching Canine Consuming Contest a pair weeks in the past? Joey Chestnut ate 70.5 sizzling canines within the males’s competitors and Miki Sudo ate 33 sizzling canines within the girls’s competitors. All in ten minutes! Holy frankfurters, that’s a whole lot of sizzling canines!
I’m at all times amazed — and typically disgusted — by aggressive eaters. How can a human being match a lot meals inside themselves? After which I began excited about the subsequent logical query: Which Muppets and Henson characters might eat sufficient sizzling canines to win an consuming contest? Right here’s what I got here up with.
Gonzo: He won’t be the primary character you’d consider, however Gonzo has been identified to eat a whole rubber tire in a single sitting, so he should have a whole lot of room in that abdomen of his. What number of sizzling canines do you suppose are equal to at least one rubber tire? Additionally, Gonzo’s nostril type of resembles a sizzling canine.
Rizzo: In The Muppet Christmas Carol and Muppet Treasure Island, Rizzo hardly ever stops excited about meals. However the Nathan’s contest serves regular-sized sizzling canines… Would the rat have the ability to eat quite a lot of of them earlier than getting full?
Oscar the Grouch: Oscar recurrently eats meals that the typical individual would discover revolting, together with his “B sandwich” and numerous ice cream sundaes with yucky toppings. Consuming 70 sizzling canines in ten minutes additionally sounds revolting to many individuals, so I don’t suppose it’s an excessive amount of of a stretch to recommend that Oscar would possibly have the ability to do it. He wouldn’t be placing ketchup or mustard on them, although — extra like motor oil and low grounds! Proper? Ugh, that man is so gross.
Animal: I believe it’s correct to say that Animal has a wholesome urge for food. You understand that Frank Oz quote we like to cite, the place he says that Animal’s character is outlined by meals, drums, sleep, intercourse, and ache? Which means meals is 20% of Animal’s complete identification! Scorching canines are significantly tastier than drums, so I assume he’d be wanting to eat an entire heap of them if given the chance. And talking of heaps…
Gorgon Heap: He’s not essentially the most well-known of all ravenous Muppets, however within the first two seasons of The Muppet Present, he ate a number of Muppets complete throughout a number of appearances. If he might eat a Muppet named Wayne, he can undoubtedly eat a number of sizzling canines named Nathan’s. Gorgon Heap? Extra like Gorgon EATS! (Additionally, a tip of the chef’s hat to Massive V, Gorgon’s predecessor who ate Kermit within the “Glow Worm” sketch!)
Dr. Enamel: I don’t know why. He simply looks as if the type of dude who would possibly actually like sizzling canines. And in contrast to most Muppets, he has tooth to chew them with!
Clifford: One other less-than-obvious selection, however do you keep in mind on Muppets Tonight when Clifford and Martin Quick ate a ton of Mama Fiama’s spaghetti sauce they usually each grew to become cartoonishly obese in a matter of minutes? After all you keep in mind it! Anyway, if Clifford can gulp down sauce like that, I wager he can even chow down on a bunch of sizzling canines.
The Scorching Canine from CityKids and Puppet Up: Wait a minute… That may be CANNIBALISM! I’m shocked that you’d even think about such a factor. You have to be ashamed.
The Skeksis: In probably the most memorable scenes in The Darkish Crystal, we spend a number of minutes watching the Skeksis eat. Unsurprisingly, these hideous bird-lizard monsters are wholly unconcerned with desk etiquette. In a contest the place every entrant is making an attempt to shove as many sizzling canines of their gob as they will, as quick as they will, the uncouth Skeksis would do fairly nicely. However would the judges permit them to clean down their sizzling canines utilizing Podling essence as an alternative of the standard water?
Massive Imply Carl: I suppose most Muppet monsters would have a bonus in an consuming contest. Consuming is certainly one of their defining traits! Massive Imply Carl has eaten bagpipes, birds, clothes, complete and unopened cookie bins, and a number of other bunnies. His maw is exceptionally gaping, so he’d have the ability to toss handfuls of sizzling canines in there at a time. In reality, I may be able to declare him the winner of this hypothetical consuming contest, if not for…
Cookie Monster: You knew this was coming. He’s the all-time consuming champion of the Muppets. He can apparently eat limitless quantities of something. For a man who can wolf down telephones, typewriters, Christmas bushes, pipes, Peabodys, Daytime Emmys, and Volkswagens — oh yeah, and mountains of cookies — successful a sizzling dog-eating contest can be a bit of cake. Critically — Cookie Monster might eat Joey Chestnut’s lunch… and his dinner, and his breakfast, and his dessert. And I consider Cookie Monster might eat extra sizzling canines than every other Muppet. And if I’m ever confirmed improper, I’ll eat my hat. With ketchup.
Thanks as at all times to Muppet Wiki for a lot of of those photos! Click on right here to eat this text on the Powerful Pigs Discord!
By Ryan Roe – [email protected]
