Trump Decries Lack Of U.S.-Made Merchandise Lodged In American Rectums

WASHINGTON—Angrily claimings the populace had uncared for its patriotic obligation to help home manufacturing, President Donald Trump issued a press release Tuesday decrying the dearth of U.S.-made merchandise lodged in American rectums. “Unhappy how a lot low-cost ‘Made in China’ GARBAGE remains to be being stuffed into individuals’s asses whereas Nice American flashlight and curtain rod makers undergo,” Trump wrote in a fiery Fact Social put up, including that “actual Individuals” must be completely positive any lengthy, cylindrical objects they’d obtained for anal penetration have been manufactured in the USA earlier than inserting them. “Similar goes for imported cucumbers and carrots. Each one you get caught in your rectum is a greenback stolen from proud American farmers! Again within the Fifties we lodged PURE AMERICAN STEEL in our backsides, however now we accept chintzy Chinese language knockoffs with NO FLARED ENDS. It’s a nationwide shame! And don’t attempt to say you ‘simply fell’ on that everlasting marker made in Mexico—it is best to have had the deal with of a gorgeous American-manufactured feather duster crammed up there already!” Many high economists criticized the president’s assertion, claiming Trump’s tariffs on overseas objects wouldn’t increase home manufacturing and would as an alternative solely depart American asses empty.