Trump Appoints Self To Divine Muses

WASHINGTON—Claiming that his longstanding curiosity within the arts made him an ideal match for the position, President Donald Trump introduced Tuesday that he had appointed himself to the divine muses. “Many are saying these 9 inspirational goddesses have develop into beholden to DEI and woke ideology, so I’m ascending Mount Helicon as a muse to verify literature, science, and music proceed to serve the American individuals,” Trump stated throughout a press convention, including that in his place because the tenth muse, he would embody the practices of pastoral poetry and late-night posting sprees on Reality Social. “Buskin-shod Melpomene should be doing very properly, as a result of it’s a tragedy what’s occurred to the muses. Calliope is popping epic poetry right into a Marxist nightmare, and Terpsichore, it’s so unhappy what she’s doing to refrain and dance, isn’t it, of us? And what occurred to Euterpe? Good outdated Euterpe, we cherished Euterpe. However the flutes now, they’re horrible, so we’re moving into and fixing it. I really had an incredible relationship with the Titaness Mnemosyne within the Nineteen Eighties, and she or he used to say, ‘Donald, we want somebody such as you within the muses to maintain my daughters in line.’ So it’s taking place. I’m in cost, and collectively we’re going to make Boeotia nice once more.” At press time, Trump had reportedly been remodeled right into a magpie after boasting that the Kennedy Heart may stage a manufacturing of The Phantom Of The Opera extra superbly than the 9 unique muses.