Woof. So, you will have observed that I’ve been a bit MIA not too long ago and that’s as a result of I received some shitty information and I didn’t wish to share till I had extra data as a result of I do know you guys fear as a lot as I do, and in addition as a result of I didn’t wish to inform Hailey till they had been executed with finals and again residence.
It is a longish story however I’ll attempt to make it shorter. So, I’ve been having issues with my blood (it’s such an asshole) and my physician was like, “Let’s ship you in for an endoscopy simply to see what’s happening as a result of your bloodwork is making me assume you have got one other autoimmune dysfunction (I COLLECT THEM NOW) that’s affecting your abdomen.” And I went in and it was nice besides that I noticed “intestinal metaplasia” on the paperwork and googled it up and received somewhat panicky as a result of apparently that’s a precancerous factor the place your abdomen turns into an gut (or one thing?) and that sounds dangerous, however I assume I didn’t want to fret about it being precancerous as a result of for some motive the lab emailed me copies of the endoscopy report and seems my physique determined to be an overachiever and skipped proper over “pre-cancer” and straight into most cancers. Bleh.
After which I panicked as a result of I used to be studying this super-academic biopsy e-mail with terrifying phrases that I half-understood and so I texted my physician: “Somebody despatched me my endoscopy outcomes and I believe I’ve most cancers?”
They all the time say that you simply’re by no means ready for the day when your physician tells you that you’ve got most cancers, however I believe you’re even much less ready for the day when you must inform your physician that you’ve got most cancers. Fortunately he referred to as me immediately and defined that sure, I did have most cancers, however that if he had to decide on a most cancers to get this one can be in his high 10, which is bizarre that he has them ranked, however I assume barely comforting.
It’s a really uncommon type of most cancers (BECAUSE OF FUCKING COURSE IT IS) and it’s in my abdomen however it’s not abdomen most cancers, which is simply complicated. Apparently I’ve neuroendocrine tumors, a sort of most cancers that may present up wherever in your endocrine system (which is form of throughout?) I’m sorry. I’m not good at biology. However the good factor is that the tumors are extremely “small and indolent”. When the physician first advised me that I believed he mentioned the tumors had been “indigent” however he clarified that they had been “indolent” which is science-speak for “lazy” and I assume it’s good that they match the remainder of me.
There’s numerous several types of remedy as a result of there are many completely different levels and such, however it’s very attainable that these would possibly simply sit lazily in my abdomen for years and years and do nothing besides make me fatigued (which I already take care of). It’s a form of most cancers the place generally chemo and surgical procedure are used however (greatest case state of affairs) you may generally simply have this most cancers for 40 years and it by no means grows greater. So now I’m ready for CT scans and PET scans and all that jazz to be sure that it’s not elsewhere, however my bloodwork isn’t screaming, “HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?” so the docs really feel cautiously optimistic that I might positively be one of many fortunate individuals who simply will get endoscopies each 6 months for the remainder of my life to be sure that the most cancers is being as lazy as the remainder of me. I’m undecided if “most cancers without end” is taken into account “fortunate” however it’s not the worst factor I might consider.
I’m making an attempt to make this a constructive factor so I’m making myself say sure to issues extra. Life is brief. I’m additionally utilizing this to get out of something I simply don’t wish to do. Issues I haven’t been capable of do within the final week: Clear the bathroom. Take the canine out to pee after I already took off my bra. Not purchase new sandals once they had been on sale.
Truthfully, I’ve been utilizing it day by day. “Victor, I can’t probably put on these outdated footwear. I’ve most cancers.” And this appears horrible besides that most cancers is horrible too and I’m not about to let it’s the primary horrible factor I’ve handled to show me right into a critical particular person. As with the various horrible issues that I’ve handled, I’ll use darkish humor and laughter to make it extra manageable and I’d ask that you simply don’t deal with me any otherwise than you already do.
I used to be actually frightened that Victor was going to deal with me otherwise as a result of he was actually freaked out the primary week, however once I advised him that the assessments confirmed I had two tumors as an alternative of 1 he was like, “That doesn’t shock me. It’s referred to as a ‘two-mer’…not a ‘one-mer’.” And that’s once I realized we had been going to be nice.
Victor took an image of me throughout one in all my exams the place I used to be doing heavy-metal satan horns however it seemed ridiculous even for me so as an alternative right here’s one in all me laughing proper after he mentioned one thing ridiculous.
I’ve extra to share however that is too lengthy and I’m drained so I’ll simply say that there’s extra to come back and every little thing goes to be nice it doesn’t matter what.
I tremendous loopy love you. Thanks for listening, good friend.
