Close to the again of the pet retailer, the place they maintain the big baggage of pet food, a person waves me over.
“Hey man, let me ask you one thing,” he says. “Do you assume these baggage are $49, prefer it says on the shelf, or are they $39 prefer it says on that signal?”
“Sorry, I don’t work right here,” I say.
“I do know you don’t work right here. Simply assist me out, OK?”
I contemplate myself a useful individual, so I agree. I examine the label on the shelf, then I examine the signal. Solely the label on the shelf references the product in query, whereas the signal’s copy references a unique product. In all probability, the signal is misplaced. I level this out, then supply my conclusion.
“The value is $49,” I say.
“That’s freeway theft!” the person says. “And the rattling signal says $39!”
I agreed to assist, however I didn’t signal on for a debate.
“OK, you’re proper. I feel the worth is $39.”
“Are you positive?”
I’m not positive. Truly, I’m sure that’s the flawed value, however this looks like a type of shoot the messenger conditions, and since I’m in no temper to be shot, metaphorically, I acquiesce and inform the person what he needs to listen to.
“Yup, it’s $39.”
“Thanks!”
The person masses 5 baggage of pet food into his cart.
I get lost to search out meals for our canine, Mortimer. All on my own, I find the meals, decide the proper value, and cargo it into my basket.
On the checkout line, I see my previous pal from the again of the shop. The cashier has some unhealthy information for him: the pet food prices $49 per bag. I brace for an argument. However as a substitute of arguing with the cashier or declaring the complicated signage, which wasn’t all that complicated, the person activates me.
“Hey man, you have been flawed,” he says. “Completely flawed.”
His tone is a mixture of anger, disgust, and disappointment. It’s as if I’ve someway misled him into overpaying for pet food after which pocketed the distinction. In his model of the story, I’m the asshole. This I can’t abide. I wish to inform the person that he ought to’ve requested a retailer worker, that my first reply was the proper one, that he rejected my well-reasoned reply as a result of he didn’t wish to settle for the info of the scenario, and that he has solely himself guilty.
I wish to say all of these items, however I’m nervous. Additionally I’m questioning if there’s a bigger metaphor on this entire pet food pricing kerfuffle, as a result of it looks like there are lots of people on the market as of late preferring to shoot the messenger moderately than face actuality. And so with all of these items operating via my thoughts, my mind misfires, and as is usually the case when the synapses are beneath strain, what comes out is a burst of popular culture.
“You may’t deal with the reality!” I bark on the man.
To my shock, maybe for the primary time ever, a line of Sorkin dialogue ratchets down the drama. With out uttering one other phrase, the person pays and hauls away his 5 baggage of pet food.
“That was nice,” the cashier tells me when it’s my flip on the register. “It is best to work right here.”
The information is getting weirder and weirder. I imagine that when the going will get bizarre, the bizarre flip semi-pro. To wit: I’ve eaten a burrito from the center and located the braveness to inform the reality about Braveness Bagels. Now, it’s time for my subsequent act of absurdist journalism: goat yoga.
What’s goat yoga? It’s yoga with goats — duh. The plan is easy: mix my reporter abilities with my yoga follow to blow the lid off of goat yoga. Is it legit, or is it for the birds?
A session of goat yoga prices $50. To date, the scenario normie neighborhood has raised $32.50, due to beneficiant contributions from
, , , and Jennie Y.
We’re nearly there, folks! Ship any quantity by way of PayPal.
I ask, you reply (or not)
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Are you able to deal with the reality? Deceive me.
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Is freeway theft worse than different theft areas? Clarify.
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Ought to messengers begin carrying bullet proof vests?
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Favourite Aaron Sorkin film?
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Ought to I apply for a job on the pet retailer?
