Panicking NBC Realizes They Left Cris Collinsworth In Broadcast Sales space All Offseason

PHILADELPHIA—Dashing right into a darkened stadium and dreading what they may uncover, NBC Sports activities producers reportedly panicked Friday upon realizing that they had unintentionally left analyst Cris Collinsworth within the Sunday Night time Soccer broadcast sales space for your entire offseason. “We simply assumed he’d gone dwelling after calling the divisional spherical, however then folks at Lincoln Monetary Subject informed us they’d been listening to scratching sounds and a faint voice praising Jalen Hurts’ poise within the pocket,” mentioned NBC spokesperson Allison Carlisle, including that Collinsworth had survived the previous seven months by consuming foam off of microphones and ingesting half-empty water bottles he discovered within the trash. “Doesn’t look like it bothered him, although. After we discovered him, he was speaking to nobody specifically about how A.J. Brown is undersized but isn’t afraid to decrease the shoulder. He was gaunt, sitting in his personal urine and feces, however as a substitute of asking for meals or water, he simply turned to us and calmly mentioned, ‘This Eagles O-line is a five-man wrecking crew with a blocking scheme straight out of your nightmares. Good luck lining up towards them.’” At press time, producers had been mentioned to be quietly discussing whether or not to simply depart him there till the beginning of the common season.