WASHINGTON—In response to laws that may ban officers from obscuring their identities throughout arrests and raids, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement confirmed Thursday that beneath their masks, brokers wouldn’t have faces.
Tom Homan, the U.S. border czar and chief enforcer of President Donald Trump’s immigration coverage, warned that Democrats “might get greater than they bargained for” with transparency initiatives just like the Senate’s VISIBLE Act, as a result of the company’s greater than 20,000 members put on neck gaiters, hats, and sun shades to cowl a terrifying void the place their eyes, nostril, and mouth must be.
“The reality is, simply beneath their masks lies an infinite abyss of complete and full darkness,” stated Homan, including that ICE officers hid themselves not just for their very own profit, but additionally to guard others from seeing the hideous, unknowable horror beneath. “Liberals can accuse this company of constitutional violations all they need. However we each know that seeing a person in tactical gear is much better than seeing a person with out a face, staring deep into that vacant chasm, and immediately going mad.”
“Mere mortals can’t survive what lies past the material,” Homan continued. “No matter you do, don’t go in the direction of the darkish, don’t go in the direction of the darkish, don’t go in the direction of the darkish.”
In line with Homan, anybody who went inside even a number of toes of an unmasked agent, together with protesters, authorities officers, and legal professionals, would expertise debilitating full-body chills, hear sharp ringing sounds of their ears, and expertise visions of demise so intense they might instantly fall to the bottom and claw out their very own eyes.
As well as, the border czar warned that bystanders who tried to take images and movies of unmasked ICE brokers at raids on workplaces, authorities buildings, or public parks could be sucked right into a dimension of darkness, by no means to return, and nothing could be left behind however a charred, cracked digital camera and photographs corrupted by static and ominous whispers.
Scoffing at what he known as the naivete of Democrats, Homan advised reporters the phobia that lay behind brokers’ masks was solely the start, and that it was nothing in comparison with what may very well be discovered contained in the company’s unmarked vans and warehouses. He then appeared off into the space, unleashed a scream, and stated, “They’re coming for me, the lads of the night time, they’re coming for me!”
In a submit on Fact Social, the president argued that People ought to thank ICE brokers for hiding their faces, contending that a number of months spent in a detention middle was a lot safer than the prospect of by chance catching a glimpse behind their masks and having one’s thoughts imprisoned for all eternity, floating without end between the valley of life and demise.
“The BRAVE Patriotic Males and Girls of ICE should maintain their masks and likewise after they take away them they’re Very Scary,” Trump wrote in a late-night submit defending his immigration insurance policies. “They danger their lives arresting rapists and murderers. Additionally, after I stared into the void, I noticed a child model of myself being eaten by an grownup model of myself whereas a faceless man watched. Then, my face was on his face, and he LAUGHED!”
“I don’t know what it means,” the president added, “however ICE and the faceless man who spoke in my mom’s voice will Make America Nice Once more!
At press time, Trump confirmed that he’d set a brand new purpose to deport at the very least 65 million migrants to the shadow realm.
