Seasons greetings out of your previous buddy Santa! With Christmas just some quick days away, Santa is tough at work on the North Pole, making presents for all you good girls and boys. However this yr, Santa will come down the chimney just a little gingerly, as a result of Santa could be very sore from making an attempt to regrow his foreskin!
You see, girls and boys, Santa would possibly look merry whereas he smiles and eats cookies and milk in his huge pink swimsuit, however beneath all of it, I’m unhappy. I’m unhappy as a result of my peppermint stick now not has any of its particular sweet coating on the tip that makes Santa really feel additional good throughout sexual activity.
Many, a few years in the past, one thing horrible occurred to your previous buddy Santa. Like so many lovely infants, I used to be born with a present between my legs that was wrapped in very delicate paper referred to as the frenulum. However quickly after, some naughty medical doctors tore it off, uncovered my glans, and harm my penis very badly!
That horrible Christmas morning, Outdated St. Nick misplaced 70% of the sensation in his genitals. So for Santa, intercourse and masturbation haven’t been so holly or jolly!
Ho, ho, ho! That’s why I’m attempting to manually stimulate regrowth by strapping a weighted decoration to the tip of my Christmas tree for not less than quarter-hour, thrice a day!
Santa has made his listing and checked it twice, and the arguments in opposition to male circumcision simply carry on rising. These sick, twisted dad and mom declare they mutilate their child’s genitals for well being—to stop smegma and to guard in opposition to STIs. However we all know the reality, girls and boys. There’s no AIDS or most cancers on the North Pole!
Why accomplish that many individuals contemplate the lower penis to be “good” and the uncut penis to be “naughty”? If something, it’s the opposite means round!
My expensive candy little sugar plums, there isn’t any world by which a child can consent to a painful medical process like circumcision. Santa needs he might return in time and provides no matter sick fuck chopped off the tens of 1000’s of nerve endings in his foreskin an enormous lump of coal.
However as a substitute, Outdated Kris Kringle will spend the vacation season constructing a dual-tension tugging gadget with a purpose to elongate his penile pores and skin whereas it’s each flaccid and erect. And gosh, if that doesn’t work, the elves should give his Xmas log painful reconstructive surgical procedure!
Beneath the Christmas lights, you may nonetheless see tiny marks the place the physician stitched up poor Santa’s surgical incisions all these years in the past. The one Christmas “miracle” is that Santa can nonetheless handle to orgasm in any respect!
As arduous as she tries, Mrs. Claus merely doesn’t perceive. Beneath the mistletoe, she’s instructed Santa that she truly prefers the look of his circumcised penis. However when Outdated Mrs. Claus was born, she wasn’t taken from her crib and instantly compelled to have her Christmas ham spiralized and honey-roasted!
No, she will be able to nonetheless really feel the whole lot!
Simply as soon as I’d wish to go down the chimney and really feel each brick, each crack, and each groove. Why, Santa having intercourse with out his foreskin is like Rudolph attempting to guide Santa’s sleigh with out his huge pink nostril!
Imagine me, girls and boys, there’s nothing that Santa hasn’t tried to regrow his Christmas tree. He’s tried manually pulling. He’s tried foreskin tape. Why, he’s even tried tying his penile pores and skin to a particular gadget referred to as a Foreballs, which he then connected to the again of his sleigh!
On Dancer, on Prancer, on Donner, on Vixen—make Santa’s previous penis be lined in thick pores and skin!
So this yr, as a substitute of leaving out cookies, Santa would admire it should you as a substitute took the time to teach your self. As a result of typically the very best reward isn’t a prepare set or curler skates or a dolly. It’s the liberty to un-mutilate your genitals with Santa’s Ultraskin ManHood Restorer, a gadget made proper right here in my workshop!
Ho, ho, ho-owwwwww! The load is snagged on Santa’s pants. Maintain on. Elves, cease loading up the sleigh and are available and launch the clamps.
Now, go girls and boys! Inform everybody what Santa taught you at present! As a result of having an uncircumcised sweet cane isn’t bizarre. However mutilating your son’s is.
Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
