GE Remembers Washing Machines That Failed To Pleasure Lonely Housewives

BOSTON—Following suggestions from the U.S. Client Product Security Fee, GE issued a recall Wednesday for 150,000 washing machines that repeatedly did not pleasure lonely housewives as supposed. “Sure front-loading washer fashions have been recalled as a result of a motor challenge that stops the machines from correctly bringing sexually annoyed housewives to shuddering climax,” mentioned product security coordinator Lisa Poundstone, issuing an apology to the model’s loyal clients whereas providing free supply on whichever vibrating GE equipment they’d wish to commerce the washer for, in hopes that the demographic would give the corporate one other likelihood to get them off. “For many years, bored, attractive ladies in dedicated relationships with males who work lengthy hours have regarded to GE as a dependable supply of orgasms, and we’re profoundly sorry for leaving them unfulfilled. This doesn’t meet the top quality of bodily gratification we intention to offer with GE merchandise, and we are going to be sure that we by no means once more launch a washer that provides nothing extra erotic than merely cleansing garments.” At press time, GE officers confirmed that buyers nonetheless in possession of the recalled fashions might schedule complimentary technician to go to their residence and assist them come.