Comedic Monologues for Ladies
Discovering nice comedic monologues for ladies may be fairly powerful. The right monologue could make or break your audition. In the event you’re moving into to audition for a comedy function, it’s essential that you just select a monologue that can intensify your expertise for comedy.
Deciding on a monologue is rarely simple, but it surely’s typical for performers to seek out that one monologue resonates with them over one other. Spend a while earlier than your audition studying by means of monologues, practising those you’ve narrowed down, and choosing one which works at each your expertise and luxury stage.
In the event you can’t appear to seek out the right monologue, we’ve put collectively a listing of our favorites. Take a second to learn by means of and see what stands out for you! Right here is our record of comedic monologues for ladies.
Dotty Otley from “Noises Off” – I Can’t Open the Sardines Can
“It’s no good you occurring. I can’t open sardines and reply the cellphone. I’ve solely acquired one pair of ft. Whats up…. Sure, however there’s nobody right here, love…. No, Mr. Brent’s not right here…He lives right here, sure, however he don’t stay right here now as a result of he lives in Spain… Mr. Philip Brent, that’s proper…. The one who writes the performs, that’s him, solely now he writes them in Spain… No, she’s in Spain, too, they’re all in Spain, there’s nobody right here… Am I in Spain? No, I’m not in Spain, expensive. I take care of the home for him, however I am going house at one o’clock on Wednesday, solely I’ve acquired a pleasant plate of sardines to place my ft up with, as a result of it’s the royal what’s-it’s referred to as on the telly — the royal you understand — the place’s the paper, then? And if it’s to do with letting the home then you definitely’ll must ring the house-agents, as a result of they’re the brokers for the home…. Squire Squire, Hackham and who’s the opposite one…? No, they’re not in Spain, they’re subsequent to the cellphone within the examine. Squire, Squire, Hackham, and maintain on, I’ll go and look. At all times the identical, isn’t it. Quickly as you are taking the burden off your ft, down all of it comes in your head.”
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Mrs. Armstrong from “The Greatest Christmas Pageant Ever” – Give Everybody a Probability
“[Let me]inform you once more, Grace, how necessary it’s to provide everybody an opportunity. Right here’s what I do — I all the time begin with Mary and inform them we should select our Mary fastidiously as a result of Mary was the mom of Jesus… Sure, after which I inform them about Joseph, that he was God’s option to be Jesus’ father. That’s how I clarify that. Frankly, I don’t ever spend a lot time on Joseph as a result of it’s all the time Elmer Hopkins, and he is aware of all about Mary and Joseph, however I do clarify concerning the Clever Males and the shepherds and the way necessary they’re. And I inform them, there are not any small elements, solely small actors. Remind the angel choir to not stare on the viewers, and don’t allow them to put on earrings and issues like that. And don’t allow them to put on clunky sneakers or excessive heels. I simply hope you don’t have too many child angels, Grace, as a result of they’ll be your greatest drawback. You’ll must get somebody to push the newborn angels on, in any other case they get in one another’s method and bend their wings. Bob may try this, and he may control the shepherds too. Oh, one other factor concerning the angel choir. Don’t allow them to put on lipstick. They assume as a result of it’s a play that they must put on lipstick, and it appears horrible. So inform them…. And, Grace, don’t use simply anyone’s child for Jesus… get a quiet one. Higher but, get two in case you can… then if one seems to be fussy, you’ll be able to all the time change them.”
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Girl Mary from “The Admirable Crichton” – A Herd Close to Penguins Creek
“I sighted a herd close to Penguin’s Creek, however needed to creep spherical Silver Lake to get to windward of them. Nevertheless, they noticed me after which the enjoyable started. There was nothing for it however to attempt to run them down, so I singled out a fats buck and away we went down the shore of the lake, up the valley of rolling stones; he doubled into Brawling River and took to the water, however I swam after him; the river is barely half a mile broad there, but it surely runs robust. He went spinning down the rapids, down I went in pursuit; he clambered ashore, I clambered ashore; away we tore helter-skelter up the hill and down once more. I misplaced him within the marshes, acquired on his observe once more close to Bread Fruit Wooden, and introduced him down with an arrow in Firefly Grove.”
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Sally Brown from “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown” – I Received a C
“A ‘C’? A ‘C’? I acquired a ‘C’ on my coathanger sculpture? How may anybody get a ‘C’ in coathanger sculpture? Could I ask a query? Was I judged on the piece of sculpture itself? If that’s the case, is it not true that point alone can choose a murals? Or was I judged on my expertise? If that’s the case, is it honest that I be judged on part of my life over which I’ve no management? If I used to be judged on my effort, then I used to be judged unfairly, for I attempted as laborious as I may! Was I judged on what I had discovered about this mission? If that’s the case, then weren’t you, my instructor, additionally being judged in your skill to transmit your information to me? Are you prepared to share my ‘C’? Maybe I used to be being judged on the standard of coathanger itself out of which my creation was made…now could be this not additionally unfair? Am I to be judged by the standard of coat hangers which can be utilized by the drycleaning institution that returns our clothes? Is that not the accountability of my dad and mom? Ought to they not share my ‘C’?”
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Lucy from “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown” – What I Intend
“Have you learnt what I intend? I intend to be a queen. After I develop up I’m going to be the most important queen there ever was, and I’ll stay in an enormous palace and after I exit in my coach, all of the individuals will wave and I’ll shout at them, and…and…within the summertime I’ll go to my summer season palace and I’ll put on my crown in swimming and the whole lot, and all of the individuals will cheer and I’ll shout at them… What do you imply I can’t be queen? No one ought to be saved from being a queen if she desires to be one. It’s normally only a matter of realizing the correct individuals.. ..nicely…. if I can’t be a queen, then I’ll be very wealthy then I’ll purchase myself a queendom. Sure, I’ll purchase myself a queendom after which I’ll kick out the outdated queen and take over the entire operation myself. I might be head queen.”
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Elaine Robinson from “The Graduate” – Nothing’s Good
“Nicely nothing’s excellent Benjamin. I want my mom didn’t drink a lot. I want I’d by no means fallen out of that tree and damaged my thumb as a result of it so impacts my fingering I’ll in all probability by no means play the violin in addition to I’d like to however that’s about it for the bullshit, Benjamin. It’s solely bullshit in case you let it pile up. Heaven’s within the particulars. Somebody mentioned that. I believe Robert Frost mentioned that. I used to be on this diner with my roommate Diane? And this man got here together with a goat on a rope and it seems the explanation he’s acquired slightly goat on a rope is that he was thrown out the day earlier than for bringing in his canine? However the level is that Diane had stood as much as go away when she noticed the person stroll in and she or he sat straight down once more and mentioned, nicely if there’s a goat I believe I’ll have dessert. And that’s why I like Diane, as a result of in case you assume like that you just not solely discover extra little goats, you get extra dessert.”
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Janet from “The West Wing” – Pigeons
“I’m sorry, however HALF of the US hates pigeons. One third shoots them for sport. I’m not the one dangerous man right here. You’ll have voted for an elephant if it had instructed you it may repair the economic system. Which, by the best way, continues to be not mounted. A large goose egg. […] I’m sorry if I’m offending you, however I discover it greater than slightly offensive that I simply walked my daughter previous a portrait of a pigeon within the Nationwide Artwork Gallery earlier than I got here right here.”
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Helena from “A Midsummer Evening’s Dream” – Out of Breath
“O, I’m out of breath on this fond chase!
The extra my prayer, the lesser is my grace.
Completely happy is Hermia, wheresoe’er she lies;
For she hath blessed and engaging eyes.
How got here her eyes so shiny? Not with salt tears:
If that’s the case, my eyes are oftener wash’d than hers.
No, no, I’m as ugly as a bear;
For beasts that meet me run away for worry:
Due to this fact no marvel although Demetrius
Do, as a monster fly my presence thus.
What depraved and dissembling glass of mine
Made me examine with Hermia’s sphery eyne?
However who’s right here? Lysander! on the bottom!
Useless? or asleep? I see no blood, no wound.
Lysander in case you stay, good sir, awake”
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Kim from “Moderately be a Man” – I’d Moderately be a Man
“I don’t know what it’s with me recently however I simply get so UGH! when guys come as much as me, with their tacky strains, (imitating man) “Hey, you have got such a ravishing smile” or “Can I simply inform you that you’re so stunning”.Ugh!It disgusts me.I imply, who the hell does this man or that man assume he’s to provide me such compliments?What provides him the correct?I don’t do something to provide off any type of curiosity in any respect, I utterly look the opposite method after I see eye contact taking place they usually STILL come over pondering they’re so suave and it’s merely repulsive.You understand what I’m saying??What does a lady must do today?Possibly if I simply vomited on myself the man would stroll the opposite method however I wager even then, I’d get, “The best way you vomit on your self is simply so, so pleasant.”…All I need is to be left alone.I’ve a person, I like my man and I do my finest to be well mannered however the irritation and the tacky strains are attending to be an excessive amount of.Guys are blind, they are surely, OBLIVIOUS to when a lady will not be .There are days after I fairly be a person.”
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Rosalind from “As You Like It” – And Why, I Pray You
“And why, I pray you? Who is perhaps your mom,That you simply insult, exult, and abruptly,Over the wretched? What although you haven’t any magnificence,–As by my religion, I see no extra in youThan with out candle might go darkish to mattress,–Should you be subsequently proud and pitiless?Why, what means this? Why do you look on me?I see no extra in you than within the ordinaryOf nature’s sale-work. Od’s my little life!I believe she means to tangle my eyes too.No, religion, proud mistress, hope not after it:‘Tis not your inky brows, your black silk hair,Your bugle eyeballs, nor your cheek of cream,That may entame my spirits to your worship.You silly shepherd, wherefore do you comply with her,Like foggy south puffing with wind and rain?You’re a thousand occasions a properer manThan she a lady: ‘tis such fools as youThat make the world stuffed with ill-favour’d youngsters:‘Tis not her glass, however you, that flatters her;And out of you she sees herself extra properThan any of her lineaments can present her.However, mistress, know your self: down in your knees,And thank heaven, fasting, for man’s love:For I need to inform you pleasant in your ear,Promote when you’ll be able to; you aren’t for all markets.Cry the person mercy; love him; take his provide:Foul is most foul, being foul to be a scoffer.So take her to thee, shepherd. Fare you nicely.”
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Amanda Wingfield from “The Glass Menagerie” – That Previous Trunk
“Possess your soul in persistence – you will notice!One thing I’ve resurrected from that outdated trunk! Kinds haven’t modified so terribly a lot in spite of everything.
[She parts the portières.]
Now simply have a look at your mom ![She wears a girlish frock of yellowed voile with a blue silk sash. She carries a bunch of jonquils – the legend of her youth is nearly revived.][Feverishly]: That is the gown by which I led the cotillion, gained the cakewalk twice at Sundown Hill, wore one spring to the Governor’s ball in Jackson ! See how I sashayed across the ballroom, Laura?[She raises her skirt and does a mincing step around the room.] I wore it on Sundays for my gents callers ! I had it on the day I met your father. I had malaria fever all that spring. The change of local weather from East Tennessee to the Delta – weakened resistance I had slightly temperature on a regular basis – not sufficient to be severe – simply sufficient to make me stressed and giddy. Invites poured in – events everywhere in the Delta! – ‘Keep in mattress,’ mentioned mom, ‘you have got fever!’ – however I simply wouldn’t. – I took quinine however saved on going, going ! Evenings, dances ! – Afternoons, lengthy, lengthy rides! Picnics. – pretty! – So pretty, that nation in Could. – All lacy with dogwood, actually flooded with jonquils! – That was the spring I had the craze for jonquils. Jonquils turned an absolute obsession. Mom mentioned, ‘Honey, there’s no extra room for jonquils.’ And nonetheless I saved on bringing in additional jonquils. Every time, wherever I noticed them, I’d say, “Cease ! Cease! I see jonquils ! I made the younger males assist me collect the jonquils ! It was a joke, Amanda and her jonquils ! Lastly there have been no extra vases to carry them, each accessible house was crammed with jonquils. No vases to carry them? All proper, I’ll maintain them myself – After which I – [She stops in front of the picture.] met your father ! Malaria fever and jonquils after which – this – boy…. [She switches on the rose-coloured lamp.] I hope they get right here earlier than it begins to rain.”
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Unique Monologue by Joseph Arnone – Don’t Take a look at Me
“Don’t have a look at me.(factors) You.Eh, eh, eh…after I handle you, don’t have a look at me.No eye contact.Is that understood?Look away.(beat)Okay, have a look at me now.(snaps her fingers) I instructed you not to take a look at me.Even when I inform you to take a look at me, don’t have a look at me. Understood?Good, good darling.(she removes her gloves and arms them to her assistant)Oh!I’ve one thing in my eye, are you able to assist me?(pointing) Wanting, wanting, wanting!NO wanting underneath all circumstances.You could increase up that focus span of yours.A fish may retain extra darling.That’s true.I’ve learn it.Much less consideration span than a fish.Don’t let that be you darling.”
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Sarah Brown from “Guys and Dolls” – The Satan
“Brothers and sisters, resist the Satan and he’ll flee from you. That’s what the Bible tells us. And that’s the reason I’m standing right here, within the Satan’s personal metropolis, on the Satan’s personal road, ready to do battle with the forces of evil. Hear me, you gamblers! Along with your cube, your playing cards, your horses! Pause and assume earlier than it’s too late! You might be in nice hazard! I’m not talking of the jail and the gallows, however of the larger punishment that awaits you! Repent earlier than it’s too late!Simply across the nook is out little mission the place you might be all the time welcome to hunt refuge from this jungle of sin. Come right here and discuss to me. Don’t consider me as Sergeant Sarah Brown, however as Sarah Brown, your sister. Be a part of me, Brothers and Sisters, in resisting the Satan, and we are able to put him to flight ceaselessly.”
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Eliza Dolittle from “My Truthful Girl” – My Aunt Died of Influenza “
My aunt died of influenza, so that they mentioned. However it’s my perception they accomplished the outdated lady in. Sure Lord love you! Why ought to she die of influenza when she come by means of diphtheria proper sufficient the yr earlier than? Pretty blue with it she was. All of them thought she was useless. However my father, he saved ladling gin down her throat. Then she come to so sudden that she bit the bowl off the spoon. Now, what would you name a lady with that power in her must die of influenza, and what turn into of her new straw hat that ought to have come to me? Any individual pinched it, and what I say is, them that pinched it, accomplished her in. Them she lived with would have killed her for a hatpin, not to mention a hat. And as for father ladling the gin down her throat, it wouldn’t have killed her. Not her. Gin was as mom’s milk to her. In addition to, he’s poured a lot down his personal throat that he knew the great of it.”
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Gwendolyn Fairfax from “The Significance of Being Earnest” – It’s Unusual
“Oh! It’s unusual he by no means talked about to me that he had a ward. How secretive of him! He grows extra attention-grabbing hourly. I’m not certain, nonetheless, that the information conjures up me with emotions of unmixed delight. [Rising and going to her.] I’m very keen on you, Cecily; I’ve appreciated you ever since I met you! However I’m sure to state that now that I do know that you’re Mr. Worthing’s ward, I can not assist expressing a want you had been—nicely, just a bit older than you appear to be—and never fairly so very alluring in look. In actual fact, if I could converse candidly— […] Nicely, to talk with excellent candour, Cecily, I want that you just had been totally forty-two, and greater than normally plain on your age. Ernest has a robust upright nature. He’s the very soul of fact and honour. Disloyalty could be as not possible to him as deception. However even males of the noblest doable ethical character are extraordinarily inclined to the affect of the bodily charms of others. Fashionable, a minimum of Historic Historical past, provides us with many most painful examples of what I seek advice from. If it weren’t so, certainly, Historical past could be fairly unreadable.”
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Bachelorette by Leslye Headland – Regan’s Monologue ‘CAN I SAY SOMETHING?!’
Scene Three
Thirty minutes later.
The suite is empty because it was. A catastrophe.
After a second, Regan emerges from the bed room. A mattress sheet wrapped round her. She goes for the espresso and gulps a mug full. The espresso is ice chilly so she immediately opens her mouth and occasional spills throughout he chest.
REGAN: Shit. Fuck. (Her cellular phone catches her eye. She appears at it.) Douchebag. (She makes a name. Into the cellphone. ) What?!… Why the fuck are you calling me one million occasions? … It was on vibrate …I’m at Becky’s factor. I instructed you we might be out late … You exit each fucking Saturday along with your meathead pals and I am going out as soon as … ONCE within the final six months and also you give me shit for it … Uh huh .. Yeah … Nicely, I don’t care … since you’re an fool … Yeah … I TOLD you we’d be OUT late … (She see’s Joe’s bowl, She finds a lighter and takes successful. Into the cellphone.) You don’t care anyway… your residency my ass-fuck-face … No, I’m not smoking … I’m NOT SMOKING … I Fucking give up three years in the past .. for you .. and also you don’t belief me … thats what this comes all the way down to … You … you … CAN I SAY SOMETHING?! (Jeff enters from the bed room. He’s virtually dressed. He picks up a espresso as nicely. He spits it again into the cup. Into the cellphone) Can I say one factor at this juncture earlier than you begin performing like … LISTEN! In the event you can’t belief me, then I don’t know what the fucking level of me EVER leaving the home … I’ll simply bake a casserole after which lie round with my legs open till you’re feeling like … YOU ARE SUCH A BABY! … That’s silly … Nicely, I believe you’re silly … I’ll be house after I really feel like coming house … FINE! MAYBE I WILL! (She hangs up and tosses the cellular phone away.)
The Final of the Crimson Sizzling Lovers By Neil Simon – Elaine’s Monologue- ‘You Hypocrite!’
Elaine:You hypocrite! You soul-searching, finger-smelling, hypocritical son of a bitch! Who’re you to inform anyone how you can undergo life? What would you have got accomplished if I got here in right here all fluttery and blushing and ‘Ooh, Mr Cashman, don’t put your hand there, I’m a married lady’? Had been you going to inform me how a lot you respect me? You understand rattling nicely tomorrow you’d be again behind that counter opening clams and praying to Christ I’d by no means come again in your restaurant. And you understand one thing? That’s the best way it ought to be. Forgive me for the horrible, sinful factor I’m about to say however I occur to love the pure bodily act of constructing love. It warms me, it stimulates me and it makes me really feel like a lady – however that’s one other ugly story. That’s what I got here up right here for and that’s what you had been anticipating. However don’t give me, ‘After I was 9 years outdated my mom ran off with the butcher and I’ve been searching for somebody to like me ever since.’ I don’t know your issues and I don’t care. Preserve your savory swordfish succotash tales to your self. Nobody actually cares about something or anybody on this world besides himself, and there’s just one strategy to get by means of along with your sanity. In the event you can’t style it, contact it or odor it, overlook it! If you would like a duplicate of that speech, ship fifty cents and self-addressed envelope –
It’s getting late … and I’ve to feed the lion at six..
Don’t waste your time. We’re incompatible. You want Joan Fontaine and I want a field of lozenges.
THE CHERRY ORCHARD By Anton Chekhov- Lyuba Ranevsky Monologue, ‘Oh My Sins!’
“Oh, my sins…. I’ve all the time scattered cash about with out holding myself in, like a madwoman, and I married a person who made nothing however money owed. My husband died of champagne—he drank terribly—and to my misfortune, I fell in love with one other man and went off with him, and simply at the moment—it was my first punishment, a blow that hit me proper on the top—right here, within the river… my boy was drowned, and I went away, fairly away, by no means to return, by no means to see this river once more…I shut my eyes and ran with out pondering, however he ran after me… with out pity, with out respect. I purchased a villa close to Mentone as a result of he fell sick there, and for 3 years I knew no relaxation both by day or evening; the sick man wore me out, and my soul dried up. And final yr, once they had bought the villa to pay my money owed, I went away to Paris, and there he robbed me of all I had and threw me over and went off with one other lady. I attempted to poison myself…. It was so foolish, so shameful…. And out of the blue I longed to be again in Russia, my very own land, with my little lady…. [Wipes her tears] Lord, Lord be merciful to me, forgive me my sins! Punish me no extra! [Takes a telegram out of her pocket] I had this to-day from Paris…. He begs my forgiveness, he implores me to return…. [Tears it up] Don’t I hear music? [Listens.]”
WOMEN OF MANHATTAN by John Patrick Shanley – Judy Monologue ‘I Will Dream On!’
Judy: I’ll! I’ll dream on. As a result of that’s precisely what I’m speaking about. My goals. Which you have no idea. And which you don’t assume are necessary sufficient to know. Do you assume this physique is one thing? What a joke! Any nice poet the final three thousand years will inform you what a joke that’s! These items, this flesh, this heavy respiration … We’ve this aptitude in our hearts and brains and souls to reach at one thing so wealthy and infected and unspeakable and sacred and New! Not this drained shit you wish to foist on me. That’s not what I need. I gained’t quit my requirements! I do know what I do know. If I attempted to stay on the type of belongings you’re providing me, I’d starve to loss of life. You’ve acquired to dig for treasure, Duke! Not accept the stuff simply mendacity out on the bottom. You would sleep with me in case you weren’t so god rattling lazy and narcissistic and had been prepared to exert your self slightly and present some curiosity within the precise core of one other human being! However you’ll stay awake with me as a result of I cannot carry out a silly mechanical pantomime, like I used to be attempting and failing to recollect one thing high quality, one thing from a greater world, one thing alien and exquisite and misplaced! What, you look vacant, don’t you get it? I’ll give it to you in a nutshell. I’ll give it to you in primary fashionable American: I’m not within the {hardware} with out the software program. Look, let’s simply let this collapse, okay? Don’t grasp round for the sake of neatness. I’ll get the test. It was value that a lot to me to have my say.
The Significance of Being Earnest – Girl Bracknell
Monologue Size 2 Minutes
LADY BRACKNELL: Nicely, I need to say, Algernon, that I believe it’s excessive time that Mr. Bunbury made up his thoughts whether or not he was going to stay or die. This shilly-shallying with the query is absurd. Nor do I in any method approve of the fashionable sympathy with invalids. I think about it morbid. Sickness of any form is hardly a factor to be inspired in others. Well being is the first responsibility of life. I’m all the time telling that to your poor uncle, however he by no means appears to take a lot discover . . . so far as any enchancment in his ailment goes. Nicely, Algernon, in fact in case you are obliged to be beside the bedside of Mr. Bunbury, I’ve nothing extra to say. However I’d be a lot obliged in case you would ask Mr. Bunbury, from me, to be form sufficient to not have a relapse on Saturday, for I depend on you to rearrange my music for me. It’s my final reception, and one desires one thing that can encourage dialog, notably on the finish of the season when each one has virtually mentioned no matter they needed to say, which, typically, was in all probability not a lot.
A Matter of Husbands: The Well-known Actress’ Monologue
Monologue Size 4 Minutes
FAMOUS ACTRESS: It occurs to each actress who’s reasonably fairly and profitable. It’s one of many oldest expedients on the planet, and we actresses are such conspicuous targets for it! There may be scarcely a person linked with the theater who doesn’t make use of us in that method a while or one other–authors, composers, scene designers, legal professionals, orchestra leaders, even the managers themselves. To regain a spouse or sweetheart’s affections all they should do is invent a love affair with certainly one of us. The spouse is all the time so able to consider it. Normally we don’t know a factor about it. However even when it is dropped at our discover we don’t thoughts a lot. Not less than we’ve the comfort of realizing that we’re the means of constructing many a wedding joyful which could in any other case have ended within the divorce courtroom. [With a gracious little laugh] There, expensive, you mustn’t apologize. You couldn’t know, in fact. It appears so believable. You fancy your husband in an environment of perpetual temptation, in a backstage world full of lovely sirens with out scruples or morals. One actress, you suppose, is extra harmful than 100 extraordinary girls. You hate us and worry us. None understands that higher than your husband, who’s evidently a really crafty lawyer. And so he performs in your worry and jealousy to regain the love you deny him. He writes a letter and leaves it behind him on the desk. Belief a lawyer by no means to try this unintentionally. He orders flowers for me by phone within the morning and doubtless cancels the order the second he reaches his workplace. By the best way, hasn’t he a lock of my hair? They bribe my hair-dresser to steal from me. It’s a surprise I’ve any hair left in any respect. And hasn’t he left any of my love letters mendacity round? Don’t be alarmed. I haven’t written him any. I may need if he had come to me frankly and mentioned: “I say, Sara, will you do one thing for me? My spouse and I aren’t getting on so nicely. Would you write me a passionate love letter that I can go away mendacity round at house the place she might discover it?” I ought to actually have accomplished it for him. I’d have written a letter that may have made you weep into your pillow for a fortnight. I wrote ten like that for a really eminent playwright as soon as. However he had no luck with them. His spouse was such a correct individual she returned all of them to him unread.
Good Traces by Cindy Lou Johnson
Rosanna Monologue ‘Why didn’t you reply the door?!’
Loud Knocking on the Door
Rosannaapproaches the cabin door carrying a tattered marriage ceremony gown
(from outdoors): ‘Whats up! Is anybody there?? Let me in! Im in very severe hassle!’
Bursts by means of the door, notices Henry Harry standing inside his cabin, shocked.
Rosanna: ‘Why didn’t you reply the door?! I may’ve frozen to loss of life! My loss of life would have been in your arms had that been the case! It’s one thing like 200 levels under on the market with wind chill and I’ve been strolling for over an hour. My automobile died, useless. I left it on the market, its in all probability completely buried someplace within the snow. Someplace – do you thoughts if I’ve a drink?
Sighs, takes a drink.
‘Im almost frozen and I additionally could also be affected by frostbite of the extremities like my toes and fingers however I used to be in a position to hold my fingers from falling off by sticking them in my armpits. I noticed that on a TV Film as soon as. There was this man and he was in a snowboarding accident, immobilized they usually had been taking ceaselessly to get him a stretcher or one thing and so he asks this stunning nurse who conveniently occurred to be there I imply she couldn’t do one thing as a result of he was freezing to loss of life however she caught his fingers in his armpits. That’s how she saved him! He fell in love together with her then and there they usually married later within the present. You understand that is all the time the story of my life. I’ve to play all of the roles, I’ve to be the one in hassle and the nurse too, sticking my very own fingers in my very own armpits, saving myself. However the issue is you’ll be able to’t stick your ft anyplace you understand not if you wish to hold strolling.
Im sorry, do you thoughts if I simply –
Takes one other drink.
Sighs* Ohh, so – that is Alaska! Oh my lord, It’s tougher to consider than I may even say that I’m a lot as alive. When my automobile died I may simply hear the wind, I may simply hear it and the snow was falling so quick and it was masking the windshield immediately, immediately ! And it was getting colder in there by the second and I simply thought, ‘Rosanna, that is it for you,’ you understand I knew that if I stayed within the automobile I’d go to sleep and I would freeze and die and I knew if I acquired out of the automobile with the wind and all that, then I’d fall down and freeze and die. Freezing and dying was up there on the forefront of my mind of issues to think about however I believed getting out, you understand, strolling, there’s an opportunity. I imply a slim probability anyway however an opportunity so I acquired out.
Attention-grabbing factor about being on the verge of loss of life – you don’t take into consideration the great factors or the dangerous factors of life, you simply assume stay! And let there be somebody, a lightweight, some heat that’s all I believed. After which I noticed your gentle, and now, right here I’m.
*Pause, takes one other drink, finishes the bottle.
I’ll pay for this. (small chuckle) You understand Ive been on the street for days, and days and days. I don’t even know after I acquired in my automobile or the place Ive been all I do know is that each 5 hours, gasoline, that’s been my system. Fuel, pee, eat a sweet bar, drink a coke, just like the engine’s inside me and the automobile, and (notices a bag of pretzels, begins consuming them). Is it okay if I’ve a few of these pretzels? As a result of it’s nearly sweet bar time for me and I don’t see any sweet bars plus its in all probability finest I lay off the sugar. Ive had nothing to eat however sugar for fairly some variety of days its low cost vitality however ultimately you gotta pay the piper in case of sugar, which I’m doing now. See my hand tremble, that could be a Mars bar tremble. Plus I haven’t slept in a number of days not that I didn’t strive thoughts you, I used to be awake, with a capital W. Like mendacity awake was what it was like. The hours handed and the street type of bleared behind me. So I’m drained, and I’m hungry and the very fact of the matter is, Im very soiled. Let’s name is spade to spade, I’m filthy and I’ve sweat an excessive amount of and this gown is a really shut match even in one of the best of circumstances and the reality is Im in ache, similar to horrible ache.
That’s the one purpose why I’d drink this so laborious and quick and it’s not like my muscle mass however like inside my muscle mass, my dna, my genes. Ya, I believe that have to be it or my rna? Im unsure. I simply…
Ohhh, (Lets out a sigh,) Im sorry, its this horrible ache in my dna. Im dreadfully sorry Im extra sorry than I can say.
Takes a step ahead, grabs the chair, faints to the bottom.
Fade to black.
Choosing the Greatest Comedic Monologues
Attempt to go along with a monologue that matches your character, to an extent. Sure, you’re imagined to be performing, however to nail your audition, select one thing you’ll be able to actually establish with. Any of those comedic monologues will slay within the audition room, regardless of which you select. Good luck!
