Archaeologists Uncover Embarrassing Egyptian Rockabilly Dynasty

CAIRO—In what many are calling probably the most cringe discovery of the century, a workforce of archaeologists reportedly uncovered proof this week of a very embarrassing Egyptian Rockabilly dynasty. “Whereas excavating an space across the Valley of the Kings, we had been capable of unearth tombs containing artifacts that seem up to now from a long-forgotten and groan-inducing dynasty centered round a reverence for Rockabilly,” mentioned lead researcher Dr. Donovan Tilly, explaining that the sight represented a treasure trove of extremely lame fertility idols with intact pompadours, hieroglyphs depicting excessive priestesses attending ceremonial sock hops in poodle skirts, and pin-up mummies with winged eyeliner and bright-red lipstick. “It’s apparent from wanting on the painfully uncool leather-based jackets from the reign of Pharaoh Jeepers Creepers IV why the traditional Egyptians felt the necessity to bury the pathetic artifacts so deep underground. These giant belt buckles emblazoned with pictures of the solar deity Ra shed new gentle on probably the most mortifying intervals of antiquity.” At press time, clay pomade vessels and different historical Rockabilly relics had been handed over to the Egyptian authorities to make sure their destruction.