Andy Reid Urges Chris Jones To Soak In Sizzling Tub Crammed With Chopped Greens

KANSAS CITY, MO—Insisting it will assist the six-time Professional Bowler get better from the aches and pains of the grueling NFL season, Chiefs head coach Andy Reid reportedly urged star defensive sort out Chris Jones on Wednesday to soak in a piping-hot tub crammed with chopped carrots, onions, celery, and bay leaves. “Hop on in, large man—I’ve received this water seasoned excellent to assuage and tenderize these sore muscle mass,” mentioned Reid, carrying a chef’s hat over his headset as he stirred the water with a big picket paddle and periodically added peppercorns, kosher salt, and rosemary to assist “open up [Jones’] pores” and draw out “toxins and taste.” “Keep in there for about eight hours so all these therapeutic elements can deeply penetrate your tissues. You’ll know you’re absolutely recovered when your inner temperature is round 160 levels. Within the meantime, rub your self down with this garlic to assist with irritation, and pay no thoughts if I come over and poke you with a fork on occasion—it’s a particular acupuncture method that’ll actually get these savory juices flowing.” At press time, witnesses confirmed Reid was licking his lips and including a few sticks of butter to the bathtub as he muttered, “God, you’re gonna be so good and tender and able to play after this,” to his slow-braising participant.