Properly, that is tremendous embarrassing. It appears to be like like I will need to have gotten myself fairly rotated again there and completely missed My vacation spot. I hate to ask, however I hoped I might catch a journey again to Earth with you guys, as a result of I one way or the other wound up returning to Mars accidentally.
I do know, I do know, I’m a freaking moron.
Man, this sucks. I actually thought it was only a straight shot from My seat on the proper hand of the Father right down to His earthly kingdom, however clearly I used to be mistaken. Which is further humiliating contemplating I’m speculated to be all-seeing and all-knowing, and all the pieces. Apparently not! Apparently, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords is a complete bonehead with zero sense of route. So, yeah, should you might come seize Me, I’d tremendous respect it.
Perhaps I took a mistaken flip at Cloud 18 or one thing? I don’t know, all of them kinda look the identical: big, majestic, riddled with angels enjoying their silly harps in any respect hours of the day. And it’s true I haven’t been again in nearly 2,000 years…however come on. How might I be so silly?
At first I appeared round in any respect the pink soil and sunbaked cliffs, assumed I used to be in Arizona, and was like, “Okay, appears to be like just like the Rapture is beginning in Phoenix!” Then I began feeling actually in need of breath and realized there was principally no ambiance in any respect. Like, none. And I assumed, hmm, that’s odd, I’ve by no means been to the American Southwest, however I’m fairly positive there ought to not less than be some oxygen. It wasn’t till I rotated to get My bearings and noticed two huge-ass moons floating within the sky that I spotted, shit, You might be on the utterly mistaken planet.
Fuck My life.
I’m speculated to be using in on the again of a terrific white stallion, carrying a gown dipped in blood, and tossing sinners right into a lake of fireside, however as an alternative I’m sitting right here in some gigantic crater freezing My ass off with no fish to multiply, no water to show into wine, and no signal of public transportation in any respect. Okay, I’m taking a look at Google Maps, and it says it’s gonna take an entire millennium to get again. Nice. All I introduced are these silly sandals. That is gonna be homicide on My plantar fasciitis.
Hey? Can anybody hear Me? Nope. Not even a freaking echo. That is creepy as hell.
Guys. I’m critical. Come choose Me up. I get that it’s out of the best way, however I’ll owe you massive time. I’m over by the large mountain that’s within the form of a face. You realize that one? I’m proper previous that in a bit of ravine. Simply search for the long-haired dumbshit in a vivid white gown waving His arms round like an asshole.
Simply hurry. And please don’t inform My Dad or He’ll fucking kill Me. Once more.
